a wall in the desert ~ Katie Twist

I.

i wish i counted the steps
from water
to wall.

or the traces of travelers i held in my hands
(bottles, cans,
all drifting in sand).

but the numbers i could reach
seemed stunted against the miles
upon miles
of steel.

II.

Did you know they replaced the sky with eyes?
black boxes and big beams, with
cameras and concrete sensors.
Apparently,
steel is not strong enough.

Did you know they put gates in the wall?
for when the floodwaters rise,
rushing and ripping,
they bend metal and man.
Apparently,
the water is winning.

III.

thirty feet.
thirty feet tall is the most efficient way,
to kill someone, to cause them to tremble.
to look down and land wrong,
to bypass the hospital and head to the morgue.
thirty feet of thick steel,
thousands of miles long.

IV.

there are harness marks on the steel.
scratches from batches of people
hauled across.

their handprints are there,
some of them.
reaching from the other side,
reaching back towards where they came.

standing there,
my hands could not hold the hope that rushed through
nor the hate that spilled over.
my hands felt numb
imagining why one would reach back,
imagining why someone would climb forward.
my hands felt far too small.

my hands did not have to touch the wall. 

V.

the steps i could not count
were heavier for me.
my body works hard,
it cannot keep up,
it cries out in my everydays.

in the desert it was screaming. 

in a morbid sort of way,
as an ugly sort of blessing,
i wore the shoes of someone weary,
the shoes of someone else.

my tired lungs, aching back, burning bones
quieted in the wake of something bigger.

desperation.

how desperate must those who’ve traveled here be,
to push through a pain like this.
how desperate must those,
whose bodies are like mine,
feel; to fight twice as hard,
to hurt twice as much,
for a dream?

it was suffocating, this desperation. 

it weighed on my heart,
my soul,
my lungs, bones,
my very being.

how desperate must someone be, to feel all this

and push forward. 

Katie Twist (she/they) is a junior studying oboe performance and child development.

Photo: The BWAP team beginning their hike through the desert to the border wall.