BWAP 2025: To Love Somebody Is To Know Them ~ Laura Hyde

As Christians, we are taught about this radical love that God has for us and wants us to extend to others. We are told we have a responsibility to love others as we would ourselves–to treat others how we want to be treated. But after this trip, I no longer think that’s true or rather that it is that simple. I think we have a responsibility to love others differently than we would love ourselves. Now, this might sound a little counterintuitive, so bear with me.

It’s no secret that people are different in many ways and need to be loved in different ways. So, if I love my neighbor exactly how I would want to receive love, they may never know that I love them because it is not how they experience love.

Many of us are scared to ask one another about our lives, our experiences, and our history. And as a white person at a predominantly white school in a very white state and a country built around whiteness, I am not forced to think about how race affects my life. I have the privilege of choosing silence in conversations about race and racism. Sometimes, that silence is chosen with good intentions; not wanting to take up space, misspeak, cause trouble, etc. But conversations have two sides, and choosing silence can sometimes be more harmful to the people we love.

As a team, we grappled with how the silence of white students was harming the students of color during team conversations. One evening, we all sat together on the couches in the living room of our lodge, and students of color on the trip asked the white students: why were we choosing silence? As white students, we didn’t realize that our silence was actually saying something; that we didn’t care about what our friends of color were experiencing on the trip because we had nothing to say about it. Our silence was hurting our friends, and their courage in asking us this question opened the door for a conversation about privilege, guilt, shame, and how to work through those things to love each other well despite the different experiences we were all having. The conversation we began as a team on the trip is one we hope to continue here in the community at Pres House.

To love someone is to know them, and to feel loved is to feel known. As a white person in this country, I must be okay with making myself temporarily uncomfortable so I can know and love people of color well. So I can love them differently…love them in a way that knows and cares for their story, their history, their suffering, their struggle, their grief, their triumph, their determination, their strength, their grace. And that means breaking the silence: asking questions, being curious, and getting to know ALL of who my siblings of color are. As a white person, it can feel scary to ask questions about experiences we have the privilege of not knowing, and it can be hard to realize we have said or done something to harm someone we love, but remaining silent is so much worse. Remaining silent ensures we will never have the chance to apologize, grow, and foster closer relationships with those around us.

If you have been afraid to engage in conversations about race, to learn more about history, or to build friendships with people of color, I challenge you to ask yourself: “What exactly am I scared of? Loving someone with more depth?” As we face a time in our nation of great uncertainty, anxiety, and injustice, do not forget the legacies of the leaders who came before us. Let us break our silences so we can love our neighbors the way they need to be loved and forge a community of deeper connection.

Laura Hyde (she/her) is a junior studying neurobiology.

Photo: The BWAP team visiting 16th St. Baptist Church.